Dear GWGW,
As a full time college student, its hard to find time to write all these papers. I need your help in copping with this unrealistic workload. Quite frankly, I feel like I am disappearing under a mountain of assignments that not even Mercury could hold atop his shoulders. Why, just this week I have to somehow get myself to 3 different lectures and take nots the whole time! On top of that, the one lecture is on Thursday 7:15-10 p.m., when I have 2 tickets to see Death Cab for Cutie at the Student center. I know! This treatment is totally inhumane! The stress is seriously putting my guts on fire.
Here is what I would like you to help with. My Intro to University class has a paper due about time management. It's due soon but I will need to get back to you about the actual date because my syllabus got messed up when my roommate dropped his bong on it and it broke. It was a really nice bong too that his sister got for him when she was in the Peace Corps in Japan, where they smoke tons of weed and also drink their own urine as some sort of cleansing ritual. I tried that once but I didn't like it, although my roommate said it was because I drank it out of a stainless steel travel mug, and uric acid reacts in a negative way with the metal. If I try it again I need to use either glass or nonreactive pottery, but not cast iron. It needs to be 750-1,000 words long and include at least 3 references (references from the stuff in the library too, not from wikipedia or Facebook).
For your help I am willing to part with 1 of my Death Cab tickets for Thursday, but we can't go together, in case my ex girlfriend sees me. Well, if your really good looking I guess it would be ok. If you send me a picture I will let you know if we can go together.
Luke Stork,
college student
clas of 2010
Sigh. Do your own damn homework.
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